When Unforgiveness is Trapped in the Body
Mercy can be painful for the giver to give because many times it causes the giver to release the receiver from the same stronghold the receiver has imprisoned the giver in.
If you are the giver:
Sometimes in your own body, you can still feel the resistance, pain, and suffering that has been inflicted upon you trapped within your energetic field, causing you massive amounts of anger, discomfort and even torment... while at the same time, you can hold a love in your heart that causes you to desire that the one who caused this pain, to not be condemned to suffer it as well... because you know how it feels. Unfair, unjust... even cruel sometimes. But inside your mind, you can at the same time still be thinking or feel your body resisting as it screams, “I need them to know what this feels like so they won’t do this to me again. I don't want to suffer this again. I don't want to feel this way... again.”
You are in a battle my friend... and them feeling the same torment is not your salvation... this is...
This pain may feel real and be valid, but it is not your truth. It does not define your life. It is a chain. It is not grace. It is not forgiveness. It is not… mercy. And condemnation does not only imprison that person, but it is imprisoning you. THAT is the pain you still feel. The fight... the resistance... IS the trap. The trap is called pride. And I know you hate it. I know it makes you feel crazy and at the end of the day, it still hurts. But this is because we are so fondly attached to our own egos... they seem a part of us because the lie whispered says, "If you let go, they'll do it again. If you let go, you are weak."
THIS lie is tying itself to your identity which is what forms pride in the first place. And this lie is that slimy feeling your soul is actually resisting. It's what reaches out to wrap itself around you and inflict pain upon you. It's what grips you so tightly, you believe it's not you that has to let go, but the snare... the snake. But when Paul prayed, the chains fell down and the door opened. And then...
He set someone else free with his own knowledge of freedom, which existed before the chains even fell off. Paul always had the power, the authority... and so do you.
And then we have our Savior, who died on the cross and it is not often spoken of the PAIN He must’ve STILL been enduring within His body while hanging there and saying the words, “Father forgive them. For they know not what they do." We assume His numbness in this state of thirst... But what if His words are the truth of His pain? Most of us automatically assume He meant, “We know who I am, and they do not. Let us not hold them to their limited understanding.”
But... what if He is saying, “They cannot feel in their bodies the pain I am suffering right now. They do not know how much this hurts and I do not wish it upon them. Let us spare them from it.”
Either way... Mercy. This is MERCY. Not just grace. Not just love. MERCY... given from the one who needed it most.
Mercy is spoken of far less than grace and love. But side note... how much love is even required within us to show mercy? Ironically, I tend to feel like maybe not very much. But what IS required, is for us to acknowledge our own pain and have the simplest understanding and respect for human life. Pain is pain. We all know what it feels like. What if mercy is as simple as they taught us in kindergarten (before our "knowledge" of pain became so complex)… treat others the way you want to be treated?…
But there are ALWAYS levels. There is always some complexity... I get it... because on the flip side, when you do love a person, it can make it even more important to you that they not suffer as you have... which is where that initial battle we spoke of can began... us versus them, them versus us. But true love is selfless and though truth is in us, the point is that we are still predisposed to consider our own pain first. We can't help it... and should we?
The world would have you believe that to consider your own pain makes you a selfish creature. But what if your pain has a message and if you listen to the world, they would teach you to ignore it?...
What if to look within would illuminate a simple truth... that you just want to be free of pain. And maybe... there's a way to be free, without being caught in the vicious cycle of "teaching someone else a lesson so they won't hurt us again... only for them to do it back to us for the same reason" and we all feel guilty and exhausted behind the struggle... ...because isn't being caught in a vicious cycle the antithesis of freedom anyway?
What if we understood our desire for freedom as a desire for rest... safety and painlessness? And we simply gave ourselves that freedom by just letting go... just coming home... to complete truth. Full circle Faith, trust, and elevated understanding.
The whole story: Jesus wasn’t speaking to Himself. He spoke to the Father when He pled forgiveness. "Forgive them... Father..." and while yes, most of us would automatically say, this covers Him too, (the trinity means He is automatically forgiving at this moment as He is the Father... let US make them in our image, let US forgive them... and so on...) let us remember He was our example and let the lesson be simple, clear... straight to the point - you know, accessible to those of us who are a little less than our perfect Creator.
Face it... sometimes we may not feel within our souls and bodies that we have the capacity to forgive, but we can still look to the Father to petition forgiveness on behalf of all. He can forgive for us... all. In our own strength and in our own bodies, we may be suffering so severely that we only believe we have the strength to ask God to do it for us. And counter-culture... this is actually okay. God loves your baby steps my friend... because He knows everything takes time and He decided that you are NOT required to be perfect.
And He also knows...
The moment the thought to release the receiver even entered your mind, He had said, "It is finished."
...within you. God knows you as His masterpiece. You are His son or daughter too. The work of forgiveness has been completed within your own heart because you've displayed even an ounce of understanding... the rest is simply growth and expansion. Simple.
You are pure. You are clean. And so are they because He decided. Love covers a multitude, right?
The pain will subside... all you have to do is believe and LET GO...
The people around you rest in God's hands, just as you can. Let Him have it... so you can be free.
When freedom is yours, will you take it?
...a story for another day.
God bless your journey, my friends.
Into the Light.